|raisedbymoogles (raisedbymoogles) wrote,|
@ 2007-10-22 15:20:00
|Entry tags:||brainstorming, ff7, random|
Things Zack Fair Is No Longer Allowed To Do
If you've been on the internet longer than five seconds, you know what this was inspired by. ;P Just brainstorming, though I may write out a few of these scenes. Feel free to add your own, and you may get a ficbit out of it!
Not allowed to eat the chocobos' rations.
- Even if it is more nutritious than whatever they're serving in the mess.
I am not a ninja.
I am not a pretty pretty princess.
"Summon: Cloud" materia does not exist.
- Nor does "Summon: Sephiroth's Sense of Humor."
I am not the patron saint of moogles.
Not allowed to relinquish command to any trooper.
- Even if he knows more about what's going on than you do.
I am not naked underneath my uniform.
- Not allowed to attempt to prove it.
"Supporting the arts" does not mean spending Shinra funds at the Honey Bee Inn.
An order to shine an officer's boots does not constitute sexual harassment.
- Even if you're not complaining.
Plushies are not to be used as field support.
- Nor are they reliable witnesses.
The proper title for Shinra's head scientist is "Professor Hojo," not "Eeek, kill it!"
Not allowed to tell the Turks that tickle torture is an acceptable interrogation tactic.
- Or demonstrate.
Not allowed to make a drinking game out of the President's speeches.
My chocobo is not a part of my chain of command.
- Nor is my sword.
- Nor is my girlfriend.
- Nor is any orphan.
Eco-terrorists do not have a deep and abiding code of honor.
Not allowed to change my gender.
Vice-President Rufus Shinra shall not be referred to as Starscream.
I am not on strike.
The proper response to a command briefing is not "Bullshit."
Cat's cradle is not an acceptable training activity.
My unit motto is not "Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average."
Not allowed to contract the plague.
Not allowed to use any official document for origami.
Muffins purchased from a known terrorist sympathizer are not "spoils of war."
General Sephiroth's ass is not strategically significant.
Hugs are not an acceptable defense tactics.
Sex toys are not to be used as weapons.
I am not just a squirrel looking for a nut.
Successfully passing the first aid course does not entitle me to be addressed as Doctor Feelgood.
Not allowed to give peace a chance.
"Boomshakalaka" is not a cadence.
Not allowed to take plants hostage.
My Shinra ID badge does not ward off vampires.
Sephiroth is not The Goddamn Batman.
I am not authorized to attain nirvana.