A Safe Space for Moogles

After reading most of Sweet Baby James. It's a blog about a baby who was born with several birth defects and his parents' struggles in caring for him, up until he passed away shortly after his first birthday. Going through the posts about his life were kind of hard because I knew how it would end, but it was only after I passed that point that I started to want to cry.

The parents talk a lot about their faith in God in the context of everything they go through, and it kind of mixes my feelings up a little. On the one hand, reading about it kind of makes me happy, because it gives them hope in the face of all the pain and disability. It makes me remember my own church in high school, and how it helped me come out of my shell a little after I escaped middle school. Thinking "God has a plan for this, even though it hurts right now and I don't understand it"... well, that's important, isn't it? Hope. It's better than falling into a void.

On the other hand - part of me kept saying "God is too cruel" when they start writing about that. I don't think I would have been able to keep any faith at all, if I'd been in their situation.

Reading the blog also makes me rethink wanting a child, but I know I won't be ready for that for a long time.

......I really need to go to bed.