|raisedbymoogles (raisedbymoogles) wrote,|
@ 2013-09-10 21:30:00
|Entry tags:||myself, sexuality|
Sometimes labels are useful, OR, shit that other people figure out around age 15.
Cut for sexuality-related stuff, which may be TMI.
I started calling myself bisexual in college, but it wasn't like HELLO I AM OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW. It's more like, picture a subway map of LBGT, and I would hesitantly point to the B and go "...that's where I think I am? Sort of? Maybe?"
It never quite fit. I mean, it was true as far as it went - there was no difference between how I felt about girls and how I felt about guys. I really didn't have a preference as to which one I eventually (I assumed) lost my virginity to. As I got older I started to lean towards girls, but I never took the step of calling myself a lesbian. (I called it keeping myself open to every possibility. Now I think maybe women just seemed safer somehow.) Then as trans*, genderqueer, and intersex people started to enter my awareness (yes, I know, I'm very sheltered, I'm sorry), I toyed with the 'pansexual' label. Why not, you know?
But... several years and two (long-distance) girlfriends later on, I still haven't had the experience of having sex. And I've come to the realization that I'm okay with that.
Being on Tumblr's been educational in a lot of ways. I knew asexuality was a Thing, but I didn't know there were degrees of it. I didn't know what demisexual meant, I didn't know you could still enjoy vibrators and perv over fictional robots and still be on the ace continuum. The truth is that's as far as my sexuality goes. I really have very little desire to actually have sex, and rather than wonder what's wrong with me I feel a sense of relief. It may change in the future, but for now I finally have a name for myself that fits: gray-A.