InsaneJournal

Current mood:	calm
Current music:	Beam Me Up - The Creeps
Entry tags:	family, memes, mental health, real life, spirituality, the future onoes

That Which Is
Today in therapy my psychologist took me through some simple meditation.

I'd done stuff like it before, during Renfest rehearsals specifically, but it was mostly visualization techniques and anyway that's a place I don't want to go back to right now. This was very basic: focusing on the breath. It's... surprisingly difficult. It doesn't feel natural to me to focus on how I'm breathing, because I keep wanting to try to breathe deeper, slower, more in the belly, and trying to force your breath to do that kind of hurts after a while. My psychologist said that's normal, and that I'd get better with practice, which was encouraging.

While doing this, I also started noticing how tense my body was in places. My legs, then my arms where I had my elbows on the armrests - like I was straining to hold myself up even though the chair had a back. I managed to relax them with some effort - not, I admit, the point of the exercise, but it felt like the thing to do - and toward the end of the meditation, I actually felt something. Like om. That's the best I can explain it. I know it sounds weird, but I wasn't even looking for it, it just came to me.

...This is going to be an interesting journey.

In other news, my parents have officially bought a house. It's in northern Virginia, I don't remember exactly where, but it's close enough to Washington to make little difference. (I would've preferred Maryland, given my druthers, but it's their house.) I've seen pictures of it. It's very nice, quite huge (vacuuming is going to be a pain in the butt), and the backyard has an honest-to-goodness koi pond. With actual koi in it. :O

There's also two guests rooms which Mom is making noises about putting me in, and a finished basement with a projector screen. It all sounds lovely, but... I dunno how much I'm going to enjoy it. I'll be too focused on finally moving out of my parents.

Lastly, a memething from (lj)lighttomoyo:

[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others (Under certain circumstances.)
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish (And here I thought Billy was just being a doofus.)
[x] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far: 4

[ ] being touched (Though I don't enjoy being touched by people I don't know/trust, it makes me angry, not afraid.)
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow

Total so far: 5

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death (Although I'm not ready for it just yet.)
[ ] heaven (Depends on whose version of heaven.)
[x] being robbed
[x] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[x] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities (Good thing I don't have Great Power. XD)
[x] doctors, including dentists (*looks askance at Ratchet*)
[x] tornadoes

Total so far: 11

[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts (I'm working on it, but I doubt I'll ever be quite comfortable.)
[ ] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[x] school (Ones past, at least. So many fond nightmares.)
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[x] growing up

Total so far: 16

[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[x] falling in love
[ ] super secrets

Final Total: 19

... if you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm afraid of 19 out of 72 common fears"

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars ...or Galvatron. ;)