A Safe Space for Moogles

(It's cold and rainy over here, ugh. How's the weather where you are? If it's nice, can I come over?)

Today I did some paperwork for a local clinic (gotta get back on them mood-adjusting pills!), finished one of the springkink prompts I failed on last round, and skipped my workout because oh my sweet mercy everything hurts. Which is probably a positive sign (as I learned from elementary school on: if it's not painful and humiliating, it's not exercise), but all the same, I think I'll rest my weary old bones today.

( We all hate it when chicks complain about their weight. )

So, I emailed my former professors at OIP&T hoping to get a recommendation towards a brand-new college. The emails were returned as undeliverable. Went to the website to see what's up.

Turns out, the programs I graduated from? Don't exist anymore.

This is not a good sign.

Screw you too, body. Screw you too.

Because I have got to break this writer's block before I go insane. And also because I am quite frankly sick to death of my own angst.

Porn prompts especially appreciated.

Dropped my cell phone in the toilet. It's since fallen into a coma.

I'm going back to bed. -_-

Why is it that I feel so irritated whenever Kaplan (the company that owns the college I graduated from) Career Services calls me going 'Hay, got a real job yet? :D?'

( Grrrrrrrr. )

I wonder if I'd still be getting this crap if I'd actually graduated from UMBC. -_-

So, my boss informs me that I won't be going full time at the animal hospital. Time to whore myself out at the retail job sites, I suppose. Since 'not a complete drooling troglodyte' seems to be my only meaningful job qualification.

In contrast, my mom lost her teaching position at her old school last week due to a lack of students to fill the seats. Two days later, she had two interviews and two job offers. I'm trying not to be jealous about this, because a) she's a county employee so they had to put her somewhere, and b) she's a teacher and therefore has some value to society.

I've forgotten how to wriiiiite. *whines*

Well, I didn't get bitten today. That's already an improvement over yesterday, but the day is still young.

(Not hard enough to leave marks, before anyone panics.)

I noticed the other day that the local Bookstore is hiring, and... gods help me, I must be desperate because I'm thinking about applying. Two jobs are enough that I could move out and support myself, right? Independence is a powerful lure! ...except, that would be it for my Internet life. No free time to chat with 'Boots of an afternoon, or write, or do silly memes. I'd be lucky if I found time to crochet or play video games. No more nap. I'm always so tired when I come home from my long day at my current job, and that's only once a week - if I have to do that every day I'd never have the energy for anything else.

I don't want to live like that, guys. Would it be worth it?

In other news, (lj)springkink is driving me crazy. So many addictive prompts! *whimper* ...see, this is why I need a sugar daddy/mama.

( Everybody had an unhappy childhood. )

But I had a brief nap today, and I'm feeling better about things. More or less.

I hope it's sunny on Saturday. I want to go to the Cherry Blossom festival then.

Bedbugs. Again.

This is after I got rid of my bedding, my mattress, and moved to another state. What do I need, an exorcism? GAH. *headdeskthud*

And this happens less than a week before a bunch of Relations is due to come over. Grandma was going to have my bed. I have no idea what we're going to do now.

*curls up and cries in sheer frustration*

So there was this one guy at that job fair I went to last week (thank you guys for cheering me up afterwards, by the way) who actually seemed interested when I told him I was a graphic designer. He was the editor for an advertising magazine, and made noises about doing layout and page design. I didn't say anything about it because I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up - least of all mine - but he emailed me a couple days later asking to set up a phone interview. "Tuesday?" says he. "Great, anytime after 7:30," says I.

...you all know where this is going, don't you?

Well, the appointed time has come and gone and here I sit, no better and no worse off than before, if rather disappointed. I'll probably call Editor Dude tomorrow just to make the rejection official if I can dredge up the courage; otherwise, it's back to plugging away at the job sites and dreaming vague dreams of supporting myself with porn.

So there was a job fair in Crystal City today. (No, not that Crystal City.)

( All was not sunshine and roses. )

*whimpers pathetically and flops in friendslist's lap* Someone write something for me? Cheer a moogle up? *saaaad eyes*

*....crawls off to doctor blisters*

So, my first student loan bill came today. Without posting specifics of my financial situation on the Internet, let me say that the amount owed comes to Quite A Lot, but still not enough to make any sizeable dent in my overall Pile Of Debt.

I opened it and almost cried. I might still cry later on, when there's no chance of my parents catching me at it.

But, there was pie today, and no one can be uncheered by pie; even so, pie does not make debt go away. My sadness and terror has not decreased one jot. It's just accompanied by 'yay pie!'

So - these are what humans call 'emotions.' I'm not sure I approve.

Today two of the techs carried a dead dog in a plastic bag past me on a stretcher.

*deep breaths* It's still better than retail. It's still better than retail. It's still better than retail.

*...crawls back to bed*

I got my first Lecture at work today. What happened was, when you work on Sundays, you just do your thing and get out, rather than staying 'til noon-thirty like most days. I had thought Saturdays were like that too, so I had left before ten-thirty. And, uh, yeah. I got Called To The Office for that one. *facepalm* It's fine, I'm not really upset, just a little chagrined. And really, considering I've been fired for less, I have no room to complain. ;P

So my job is going well enough, all things considered. I even made friends with a cat who only last week wanted to kill me. (There's still that surly Himalayan who hates me, but as he hates everybody I don't take it personally.) I'm just... restless, I suppose. And a little disappointed. I have to admit I thought that all my problems would be over once I graduated, but... it's been over four months now, my student loans are coming due and I haven't even gotten a callback for a job in my field. I've been throwing my resume at every company I could find since I moved here, and not one of them has even given me a second glance. I went ten thousand dollars in debt to get my associate's, and here I am shoveling poo for nine bucks an hour. I'd be better off right now if I'd just stayed a college dropout.

...okay, I really thought typing this out would make me feel better. *groans and headdesks* Right. Shake it off, moogle. You've got Power Rangers mpreg to write.

Put deepbluesquee on the Greyhound this morning; received a call at around 8-ish saying she'd arrived at the airport in New York just fine. If she does not arrive in Cambridge in one piece, it is officially not my fault anymore. I miss her already.

...not entirely for her parent-deflecting properties. Yes, Mom, I know I'm not allowed to sleep until noon and avoid looking for a job* anymore. Just because I don't quite live up to your standards doesn't mean I don't know them, even after a brief hiatus for much-needed Hugs. I swear to whatever's-out-there if I get one more Motherly Lecture I will scream.

*Which is a whole 'nother barrel of angst, of course. Lately I've been going around in circles of "I don't even want to work in the corporate sector, I want to work on my own projects, but I can't break into the highly competitive world of Best Job Ever yet, so I need a job and will build up my portfolio and/or write on the side, but I just know I'll wind up with a stressful job that will leave me so burned out I can't even look at my own projects anymore, and I will fade to obscurity with my creativity unfulfilled! Woe!" ...Which is a load of shit, because I can't even go to bed without having drawn or written or crocheted, but my brain does not always have a ticket for the Logic Train. ...Of course, none of this may even be an issue, because so far all I've gotten is calls from the Career Services lady going "My records show you are Still Unemployed! I am Concerned! :O" (omgstfu, lady, I highly doubt you're getting a commission) and somebody from AT&T offering me a job as phone monkey, and I would truly rather fling myself in front of a train. Lol misanthrope.

Speaking of creative, I've started on my areyougame and kinkfest prompts. Snarky Tifa is snarky.

Om nom nom, apple with caramel sauce.

Dear Flash, my computer's OS, and anything else in the entire world that might be considering acting up,

I am graduating in a week. I do not have time for your shit. I swear to any gods/devils/avatars/forces that might be listening that if I get another crash, I will go stark raving mad. And possibly beat the hell out of this damn machine with a baseball bat.

Love and kisses,
Pepper

(Also, my parents' anniversary is today. Guess who doesn't have anything for them. :D... oh my god i can't take much more of this.)

Yep, I was right. Steaming pile of horseshit.