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June 25th, 2008

That Which Is

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Today in therapy my psychologist took me through some simple meditation.

I'd done stuff like it before, during Renfest rehearsals specifically, but it was mostly visualization techniques and anyway that's a place I don't want to go back to right now. This was very basic: focusing on the breath. It's... surprisingly difficult. It doesn't feel natural to me to focus on how I'm breathing, because I keep wanting to try to breathe deeper, slower, more in the belly, and trying to force your breath to do that kind of hurts after a while. My psychologist said that's normal, and that I'd get better with practice, which was encouraging.

While doing this, I also started noticing how tense my body was in places. My legs, then my arms where I had my elbows on the armrests - like I was straining to hold myself up even though the chair had a back. I managed to relax them with some effort - not, I admit, the point of the exercise, but it felt like the thing to do - and toward the end of the meditation, I actually felt something. Like om. That's the best I can explain it. I know it sounds weird, but I wasn't even looking for it, it just came to me.

...This is going to be an interesting journey.

In other news, my parents have officially bought a house. It's in northern Virginia, I don't remember exactly where, but it's close enough to Washington to make little difference. (I would've preferred Maryland, given my druthers, but it's their house.) I've seen pictures of it. It's very nice, quite huge (vacuuming is going to be a pain in the butt), and the backyard has an honest-to-goodness koi pond. With actual koi in it. :O

There's also two guests rooms which Mom is making noises about putting me in, and a finished basement with a projector screen. It all sounds lovely, but... I dunno how much I'm going to enjoy it. I'll be too focused on finally moving out of my parents.

Lastly, a memething from (lj)lighttomoyo:

I'm afraid of 19 out of 72 common fears. )
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